Who Me? When a Child is Diagnosed with ADD/ADHD
Some people find that it is only when a child is diagnosed with ADD or ADHD that they start to recognise some of the symptoms in themselves.
It can be really confronting when a child is diagnosed with ADHD and you’re told that it’s highly heritable.
So unless your family member’s ADHD has been brought on by premature birth, low birthweight or some other medical condition you can find yourselves soul-searching, or worse, friends and relatives are pointing a finger and saying things like “I know where that comes from, ha ha!”
And that sucks.
Perhaps you have been formally diagnosed, perhaps you just recognise yourself in the collection of symptoms. Many people have found that once they face up to their ADHD, either formally or not, that life starts to move forward for the better. This may take some adjusting to at first. Counselling or coaching can be a great help.
So how do we come to grips with the feelings and judgements and all that ugly stuff that comes when a child is diagnosed with ADHD, so we can smile and enjoy life?
Here are 3 ways …
One – Know your strengths.
It’s really easy to get hung up on everything that goes wrong, but you are so much more than that. Try this free assessment at viacharacter.org. There is a young person’s version of the questionnaire too for 10-17 year-olds. If your child is younger than that it doesn’t matter, start noticing what they’re good at and tell them. It’s better to focus on what’s right, good and great about yourself than to get dragged down and depressed about your weaknesses, even if you need to find ways to manage them. Many people with ADD/ADHD are creative, energetic and spontaneous. You may also be passionate, and much less likely to judge other people for their shortcomings. Ask the people you know and like to tell you what strengths they see in you.
Two – Learn together with your child.
The organisational strategies you put in place to get your kid out the door to school in the mornings may be just things that help you too. You have probably already developed some habits that help you. Congratulate yourself for that. If you want to develop new habits tie them to things you already do. For example, make your bed as part of your getting dressed routine. It adds almost nothing to your morning routine and makes your bedroom so much nicer to come back to.
Three – Develop some mindfulness strategies.
By this I don’t necessarily mean sitting crossed-legged for long periods reciting a mantra, although you can if you want. A few minutes, three to five, is enough to get you going. You can sit quietly and just note your breathing. When you notice wild thoughts cutting in just let them go and bring your attention back to your breathing. Or if you are driving (or any other activity) bring your attention 100% in the moment and concentrate on just that one thing. Notice any negative thoughts or the meeting you are going to or the difficult relationship that’s bothering you, and just come back to the present moment. You’ll start to find that you become calmer, maybe solutions to your daily challenges will just appear in those quiet moments.
So in conclusion, be sure to get a handle on the crappy feelings and associations that may come from a child diagnosed with ADHD, so you can best help your kid and be at your best.
I’m available for a complimentary strategy session to help you get on top of your family ADHD challenges. Please let me know you’re interested by contacting me here.
